


Maybe we were before

by not_a_total_basket_case



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 5x05 spoilers, Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode: s05e05 Shifting Sands, F/M, Post 5x05, all angst all the time, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 12:06:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14736662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_a_total_basket_case/pseuds/not_a_total_basket_case
Summary: Clarke tells Bellamy about feelings he didn't dare let himself hope for. Just note this is canon-compliant, he's still with Echo.Runner up for best angst drabble in the Bellarke fanwork awards!





	Maybe we were before

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all apparently there wasn't enough angst in canon, so I wrote this. I don't even know what happened. I don't write canon-verse. New episodes are just breaking me.

“She’s my sister,” Bellamy says, hating the way that he’s already fighting with Clarke when they’ve been back on the ground for only a week. Hating that he’s already fighting with her about his sister. Hating that he kind of agrees with Clarke anyway and they need to find a way to stop Octavia or they’re going to be at war. “We can’t just leave her.”

“And I can’t stay here when she’s running things the way she is,” Clarke says, her voice raising but not quite yelling. “I have Madi to think of.”

“Octavia wouldn’t do anything to put her in danger,” Bellamy says, reaching forward and resting his hand on her shoulder. It’s meant to be a comforting gesture but she shakes it off and starts pacing the tent.

“Unless Madi does something that makes her the enemy of Wonkru,” Clarke snaps. He can’t argue with that, he’d seen how – ruthless Octavia had become when he watched her so easily decide Obika’s fate. He’d heard the stories about what happened to people who didn’t follow the rules in the bunker. He’s not really willing to test what happens when someone doesn’t follow the rules now they’re back on the ground.

“Madi isn’t the enemy,” Bellamy says, instead of voicing his thoughts. “And she’s smart. She’s not going to make herself one.”

“I can’t take that risk,” Clarke mutters, still pacing the length of the tent and running her hand through her hair. “I need to get her somewhere safe.”

“Where would you go?” He asks. “Diyoza has control over the valley. It’s not safe there either.”

“Madi and I would figure it out,” she tells him, shaking her head. “We always do.”

“We’re in this together, Clarke,” Bellamy says quietly. “You don’t have to leave.”

“Maybe we were, before,” She whispers, not looking at him. “But we’re not now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Maybe it meant something different to you than it did to me,” Clarke continues, ignoring his question. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter now. The point is, Madi is my priority and I’m not willing to put her in danger. I’ve thought about this, we have to go.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me about this earlier?” Bellamy asks, trying to hide the strain in his voice. Clarke is supposed to be his best friend, the person he trusts most in the world. She’s supposed to confide in him. That’s how they’ve always been.

“I couldn’t, Bellamy,” she sighs, finally turning to face him. “I can’t come to you because you’re with Echo.”

“What?” He can’t hide the surprise in his voice. They’ve both been with other people before and it’s never affected the way they are with each other.

“Bell, you’re my best friend. But I knew – hoped – you were alive,” she says. He can see the tears in her eyes, but when he reaches for her she takes another step back and scrubs a hand over her face. “But you - you thought I was dead, you moved on. And that’s fine. I’m glad you did. But I can’t come to you with every little thing that goes wrong now. You have Echo.”

“That doesn’t matter Clarke,” Bellamy says, shaking his head. “I thought you were dead, yeah. But you’re not. And you’re still my best friend.”

“That doesn’t matter either,” Clarke says, and he still knows her tells. She holding her voice steady. “I can’t stay here. It’s not the same as it used to be.”

“Nothing has changed,” he tries, but he only half believes it himself. After six years of thinking she was dead, he still has trouble believing that she’s standing in front of him. He’d spent six years hoping that Clarke hadn’t suffered when he left her behind, he’d hoped that she understood that he was trying to use his head like she asked, he’d hoped she wasn’t angry at him for leaving. But never once had he allowed himself to hope she was alive. “Together?”

“It can’t be like that anymore,” she tells him sadly.

“Why not?” He asks, feeling his own tears in his eyes. This isn’t how they are. They’re there for each other, to keep each other centred. They need each other. They do it _together._

“Do I have to spell it out to you?” She snaps. “I radioed _you_ every day for six years. I spoke to _you._ I dreamt of _you_ coming home. _You_ were what got me through when I felt most alone. It was all _you_.”

“Clarke,” Bellamy whispers, no idea what to say to her. _He was the one who left her behind._

“So yeah, together means something a bit different for me,” Clarke says, shrugging her shoulders slightly, as though her confession had meant nothing. “I might have been naïve for hoping it meant the same to you. And I’m not angry at you about it. I’m glad you have Echo. I’m glad you weren’t alone.”

“You don’t have to go,” Bellamy says because he doesn’t know what else to say. He’s barely stopped long enough to process that she’s alive, let alone begin to sort through the feelings he had for her when they were still on the ground six years ago. The feelings he’d pushed so far aside while they were dealing with ALIE and _Praimfaya_ , that he’d kept locked away once he thought she was dead. And now she’s telling him that she returned those feelings he had and that she still does.

“I have to keep Madi safe. I’m sorry,” Clarke says, the tears she had managed to stop before flowing freely again. She leans forward and wraps her arms around him in a quick embrace, pressing her lips to his cheek. It’s so reminiscent of when she’d left after Mount Weather that he struggles to choke back a sob. “May we meet again.”

He watches her leave the tent, probably going to find Madi and even almost seven years after the moment at Mount Weather he still doesn’t know how to go after her. He loved her before but he never allowed himself to consider that she felt the same way because it hurt too much. And now he knows she shared those feelings, that she still does. He needs time to sort out how he feels but he can’t let her leave, not like this. Not again.

His feet are moving before he’s completely made up his mind and by some miracle, he catches her before she gets in the rover.

“I need to stay here,” Bellamy tells her, grabbing her wrist. “I need to talk some sense into Octavia.”

“You’re probably the only one who can,” Clarke agrees a little bitterly, glancing back at the camp where Octavia is sitting with Indra.

“And I need some time. To think,” he continues, ignoring the jab at his sister, partly because it’s not the time and partly because he doesn’t even know if he can talk to her. “But we will meet again.”

He lets himself hug her again, burying his face in her hair. It’s not goodbye, but it hurts like hell watching her drive away, letting her go. Again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to say this is finished, but I don't have any plans for future chapters. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are the air that I breathe. 
> 
> My tumblr is [here.](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)


End file.
